I don’t even know how I have the energy to write this blogpost.

So far I’ve written about discovering that writing on my personal blog was an interesting idea, and recording work on projects I was very actively working on. I even wrote one on how I’ve been so busy I didn’t write anything for almost a year, but wrote it anyway so that I come back to the habit. In short, it was still all positive. The tone of this post however, isn’t as positive as before.

I’m not sad. I’m just very tired. I never knew I could feel tired outside a physical activity or sport. I’m kind of fed up of this semester and I feel like I want to go home for a bit.

I usually have this “tolerance period” every semester, where I somehow deal with how horrible some things in my college are (especially the food and the situation of the hostel, seeing it everyday is a sad scene), and this period usually ends after the fest that happens in that semester in my college (Tathva on odd semesters and Ragam on even semesters), but deep in my third year, I feel like I’ve started to lose it earlier.

I’ve been not attending classes in college with the same energy as I did in the start of the semester. I know that I’m studying very interesting things and I’m very eager to learn in general, but I’ve not been going out anywhere for a couple of days because I was just tired and lacked the same motivation.

I’ve been loaded with work, and still am. I like all the work I’ve taken up, but I guess some shit came in between some of the activities I was involved in, and that kind of spoiled my mood for doing anything else in a day. I would sulk about how much work I have and then just sleep off.

I have tests in the next week (from when I write this) and I have no idea what I am going to do. I’m busy with a very interesting lab project I can’t make time for. I am part of a cultural team where I try to seek meaning in the art that I am learning and teaching, but that’s being undermined by other external factors I’ve been trying to figure out how to get rid of. Maybe the accumulation of all this put me off for a while.

Again, I’m not negative in general. I’m a happy person and for at least most of the time, no nonsense bothers me, or rather, I don’t bother with it myself. But I guess I too have days when I’m not doing so great myself. I look tired, at least that’s what a couple of my friends pointed out to me. Some are asking if my health is fine. I think it’s just the fluffy beard I haven’t trimmed in a while, haha.

I know I don’t have really creative blogposts or anything worth publishing. However, as I am writing this (with no edits except for spellcheck), I feel good. It’s just really a place where I record things for mostly myself because my audience is almost non-existent (lol). I usually don’t ever trouble people personally with my problems, but doing this is relieving to some extent, not like what I’m feeling is very bad, it’s mostly unhealthy laziness.

I don’t have (many) secrets. Even though this is a place I record things for mostly myself (lol again), I’m okay with it being here. I’m usually very open to share things, so maybe that’s why I can write this without worrying about anything.

Writing this gives me a weird kind of drive. I may not have completely gained motivation yet, but today I made my bed after ages (mom would be proud). I want to try completing small tasks everyday (like making my bed after getting up) so that I’m back to being as motivated as I was before.

I guess everyone needs a break sometimes. If you can relate to any of this, please hit me up if you want to chat and join me in my sulking, but it’s gonna be temporary I guarantee that. Maybe sulking together about how shitty our surroundings are would help us get over it?

If at all there’s someone who’s waiting to see what I write next (or is it just me?), I have two ‘almost finalized’ drafts on some topics I have very strong opinions on. I hope that those posts get you to initiate a discussion with me. It’s possible that writing this post made me feel very motivated about writing on those two topics from the notes on my phone to my desktop editor. Stay tuned please?