This might not be a unique or smart way to get the message across. But, let this post serve as a reminder for everyone, for something that is supposed to be a very simple concept. We tend to forget things time to time. So it only makes sense that we all need reminders.

Here’s how I got the inspiration/urge to write this (story time!) - my partner wouldn’t wear a dress to dinner at where she’s staying right now, because when she tried it on, some people ‘stared at her’. She admitted she ‘didn’t have the confidence’ and ‘was scared of people passing comments’. She ‘felt weird and underconfident by the stares’ that she ‘felt the need to change to her usual T-shirt and jeans’. She’s ‘scared of people judging her’ (not my words).

I didn’t think of it too seriously at first, thinking that it was just a momentary thing and that with enough conviction, she would go back and change it. Heck, being underconfident isn’t representative of Vineet’s personality, and I felt like it shouldn’t be for my partner too. Then I sat back and thought about it for a while. How difficult was it to get into a dress unless you have muscle pains?

I realized soon enough that it gets to me too on the rarest of occasions. At times, when I go swimming, for instance, I get conscious of my body. If “fat-shaming” is a thing, then so is “thin-shaming”. I’ve been mocked about my lean body almost all my life. For the most of it, I’ve taken it as a joke. But at the 1000th time, even I lose my shit. I’ve received comments about not just my lean body but my prominent behind too. No, seriously, it just protrudes and is so visible because it’s where all my fat goes. How I wish my fat would evenly spread out so that my mom and grandma can shut up for a while after years of going on and on about the same thing - why I don’t eat enough.

Okay, no, let’s not take away the spotlight. I’m not horribly affected by comments on my body.

So, back to the story. She was playing some version of ‘The Game of Life’ when she got this tile:

Imagine all this happening on the same, damned day. Okay, my partner isn’t in such a bad place too. She’s generally fine. But she gets this now and then. I guess it comes with being a woman, and I say that based on my experiences with the women around me in my life so far. I don’t want to generalize this, of course, but then it’s true that they get a lot of stick from people on their appearance.

Now, this is the part where I’m supposed to build up to something inspirational. I’m worried it might become redundant, but I wish to present the way I responded to my partner’s situation, and in general, what I think people should think when it comes to comments on the body. This piece will seem like a ‘stub’ because I haven’t even talked about the serious extent to which it can negatively affect a person. I have no good transition here. I am just going to get into it.

Here’s my outlook on things - I’ve honestly stopped caring about what people think. You’ve heard that sentence umpteen times, but I can’t put it in other words just yet as I’m typing this, because it can’t be simpler than that. I wear my trunks and jump in the swimming pool anyway without wasting a second to think about how much body (or the lack thereof) I’m showing. I take pride in my prominent butt and even show it off now, in the never-ending illusion that some ladies might dig it. At least my partner does, so I’m cool with it (and I think that’s all that matters, isn’t it? That someone you love is okay with it?). I like the only fat part of my body. I find ways to come back at ‘thin jokes’. I make sure to joke it off every time no matter how I feel, because as I’m progressing with the joke, I get over it when I’m engaging myself in the process of coming back with a fun joke. So what if I am a hanger to my clothes? At least the clothes retain their shape for a longer time. In this manner, either people will laugh, and there is no tension, or, they’ll acknowledge how lame the joke is (I’m sure you’re at the latter) and still laugh anyway (please?). In some way, that joke took away the potential shame I could’ve experienced.

There’s no quick fix to this, of course. Which is why I said, my transition is bad. But, over time, I developed confidence and got busy making jokes, that I just stopped caring about the comments. All I know is that if people are talking or staring at you, then there’s only one logical conclusion - you’re looking great. See, I know this because not many look at me a lot, it’s only logical to make that inference, isn’t it? I think people look at my girlfriend because she’s hot. “Any publicity is good publicity”. All I can tell her is that the more that people are making her as the subject of conversation, it means she is a bombshell. I don’t know, are they jealous about her great rack? All I know is, she ain’t just a “T-shirt and pants” person. She can wear whatever she wants and not be afraid about looking too damn good.

As for that Game of Life tile, here’s how I think someone should be looking at it - you lose a turn because the tile is about ‘low self-esteem’. So, it makes sense to infer that if you don’t want to lose a turn in life, or if you want to win in life, you have to be confident. The game is indirectly teaching something that’s so fundamental. Too deep? Too bad of an analogy?

I speak from a very well-off position if you want to evaluate my opinion. I am very confident in general, so it might seem like I don’t relate to people who are seriously hurt because of negative body image. As I said, I don’t have much to add here, but I can surely empathize. What I meant to put forward with this post is that the difference in the way my partner saw the situation versus how I did, is what could be the difference-maker for you. My jokes or my analogies might be bad, but my point is, I could only see good in that situation. Sure, it comes because of my internal confidence and ability to evaluate these situations logically, but that is what changes the game. It seems logical to me to think of these situations as futile.

My story might be trivial. My girlfriend’s story might be more relevant to the topic. But we’ve all felt these things at some point in life. I would like to think that my unarranged thoughts might help you through the day. I wish I could present it better, but I want to keep this as raw as my blogposts in general. I could have written this as a listicle, but then I felt like that’s so “meh” that I had to type about my stories and share my thoughts however it’s flowing on my notepad.

So what if people stare? What keeps you away from posting a picture of yourself at times? Why do you care if people comment? I’ve noticed that often enough, the answers to these questions turn out to become each other, and it becomes a loop. You get stuck in this loop of superficial things that have no deeper answer to it. The only way to break out of it is to realize that it’s bloody pointless. The media isn’t as body positive as you may think. They’re just trapping you with their marketing schemes.

People are probably not going to stop staring. So give them time to absorb it too, like you would with yourself. Nothing may ever be ‘good enough’ to warrant any sort of compliment or attention from humans. So, what does one do then? “Fake it till you make it”. Stare at yourself long enough in the mirror, and try it out being nude. Don’t hesitate to tell someone to ‘Shut The Fuck Up’ if what they say is hurtful. And please, on top of that, don’t worry about what they’ll say if you tell them to ‘Shut The Fuck Up’ too. Listen to your loved ones, because sometimes you forget what you are.

It’s important, according to me, that you understand this: ‘Sexy’ will always be talked about. ‘Sexy’ will always be looked at. That’s why it goes on magazine covers. That’s how I look at what all the talking amounts to. You’re never going to escape judgement, because it’s in the nature of human beings. We all judge people based on appearance. Some of it attributes to evolutionary reasons, but the other part is just superficial. Remember that ‘Sexy’ is vibrant and there’s no point in trying to hide it. Sure as hell I know that one would generally like to have a view at someone ‘Sexy’. Do not be shy in being ‘Sexy’. That’s not just good looks, that’s your confidence in wearing what you want. Our differences are ‘Sexy’ and our ability to get past it and embrace it is ‘Sexy’. ‘You being You’ is ‘Sexy’. It’s fine if you take the time to get there.

It’s a two-part plan - being confident (without thinking twice about it), and looking at things in one more way than what you’re looking at it like. It’s as simple yet so difficult. The only way is to just do it. Just be ‘Sexy’. You’re worth it, you Sexy being. Because it’s not just the dress or your looks, but your mindset in ignoring all the negativity and the judgmental comments, that truly make you, ‘Sexy’.

I do not mean to undervalue or dismiss the serious toll such negativity can take on your physical and mental health. I hope that this post starts a conversation somehow. I hope this post serves a good enough reminder to you. Please share this with someone you love and someone who may need this. Talk to your loved ones if you have such issues. If you need a third person to talk to, I’m all ears. I believe talking helps. Take care of yourself. Peace!